How to Manage the Top 3 Scenarios College Students Often Struggle With

Generally speaking, our kids are so ready to jump into the college life with their newfound independence and self-assuredness that it's hard to hold them back when the time comes to head off to their new campus. The college they chose obviously knows they are ready for this or they wouldn't have been accepted. Sure, they're ready for the academics (right?), but are they ready for the social, personal and emotional challenges that are thrown at them when they're off beginning to conquer the world?

With a coach, you have someone who can hold you accountable and ask tough questions to get to the heart of a matter. A coach helps you unpack your brain, lay it out for you to see so you can decide what you want to think about each situation in order to achieve the results you really want. I will never tell a client what to think - but I will help them discern what THEY want to think.

Here are some actual issues that college students have presented to me and been coached over.

1. "It's so hard to make friends"

SCENARIO: Jennifer joined a sorority and is a pretty outgoing, outspoken, friendly young lady. She's joined other clubs and isn't afraid to say hello when she sits in class next to a student she doesn't know. But she's still not making friends. What would her coach say?

• What are you expectations? Popularity is the holy grail for girls - it's what everyone wants. But what does being popular mean? Are you comparing yourself to someone else or your ideal of how many friends you should have? Give it time. Be patient. And love yourself through the process. When you love yourself, others will see that and want to love you, too.

• Go for quality over quantity, especially in the first year. Not everyone is going to step into a swarm of new girlfriends the first semester of their first year. Be kind and stay true to yourself. Reflect on the characteristics of the person you want to be friends with and recognize that having just one friend who meets that criteria is better than ten friends who don't.

• Let people be wrong about you. One of the hardest lessons for women (even into adulthood) is to let people think what they want to think about you, even if (and especially) if they're wrong about you. You don't have to justify your behavior (as long as you are proud of yourself). We will all meet someone who makes a wrong judgment about us or misinterprets us and decides they don't like us. That's OK! It is perfectly fine. Finding the person who just "gets you" and understands you is far more rewarding than striving to change the minds of someone who doesn't. Let them go!

2. "I party every night and love my newfound freedom"

SCENARIO: Carey was going out every night and sometimes staying out all night. Her roommates were concerned about her drinking and confronted her about it. Carey was not interested in that feedback and feels she's doing just fine in school and this is what it's all about. What would her coach say?

• How do you feel emotionally (not physically) when you come home from a night of partying and your friends are frustrated with you about the night's outcome? Is it possible that you feel a little out of control by going out every night and it could be making you feel bad?

• How do you feel towards your roommates for expressing concern over you? Oftentimes, we like to misdirect our aggravation at being confronted towards those asking the questions when they truly mean well and you'd be lucky to have anyone care for you in that manner. Be sure you aren't getting "mad at the messenger" when they mean well. There are a myriad of ways you can respond to them without causing any tension between you and your roommates. How could you respond in an emotionally mature way?

• What if there was a way to show up for yourself each week that includes an agenda of fun and partying, but in moderation?

3. "My grades are sinking, but I swear I'm trying. Why is this so hard?"

SCENARIO: Jamie is irritated because her parents are threatening to make her pay for college if she doesn't get her grades up before the end of the second semester. That pressure is just making her feel even worse and less motivated to try. What would her coach say?

• Let's start by taking one class and one grade. What is your grade in your writing 101 class? Does that grade reflect your best effort? What do you think about the class? Grades are just data. Information. Stats. A grade in a class is indicative of your thought about that class. So if you think the class is dumb, or the professor is an idiot or you shouldn't even have to take this class because you took it in high school, you may not be setting yourself up for the best grade in the class. Your thoughts most definitely affect your results (the core of what I teach). That is fact and indisputable, so let's start by really thinking about what you think about that class and what thoughts will serve you best.

• Why are you in college? You don't really have to go. Let's say your parents do pull you from school or stop paying. Would you find a way to pay to go yourself? You need to find out why you're in school and determine if it's what you really want. If it is, you can do the class and get a good grade. You can study more. You can get a tutor. You can ask the teacher for help. Are you genuinely trying these things or do you have more work to do?

• Sometimes when we've "mastered" a subject, it can become boring. So taking a class you took in high school can seem lackluster. What would be required of you to take this class to the next level? How can you level up, but study less? Can you solve that challenge? Anything is possible and if you've mastered the class in high school, this should be a result you can achieve.

Keep in mind that these are real scenarios presented to me as a coach. Our coaching sessions yield an abundance of revealing information about how their brains work which helps them see that the solutions to these challenges are INSIDE them and that they have the power to resolve any issue that faces them.

Fair warning though: These kinds of conversations don't necessarily go over well when between and a parent and child. The teen can be defensive and annoyed when a parent tries to "logic" them and then they shut down and close off. Having a coach or other adult who can gently walk them through these things can be a huge asset. It's our neutrality that makes the pill easier to swallow - we don't have any skin in the game, and as a coach, I'm always eager to instill power and hopefulness into the kids and young adults I coach!

Know of someone who could use a Life Coach? I offer 30 minute FREE sessions to get started and see if you think it could be a good fit. You could present an issue in that free call and I will gladly walk you through the scenario, unpack your brain so you can leave with some powerful thoughts on how to proceed towards the results of your choosing!